Faux Pas- lost in translation

• Went to the local butcher to get some hamburger. Didn't know any words except boeuf (which I was guessing was "beef") so I said "boeuf" and then made a chopping motion with my hands. Then I watched, somewhat painfully, as they took a nice steak and put it in the grinder. I got my hamburger. But at that price, I would have taken the steak!!
• Went to the local shop. Couldn't understand the shop keeper's French, so she switched to Spanish. Which I understood. So, of course I responded--in French! Oh she was so confused. As was I. 
• I was trying to say that I needed to ask questions of someone who speaks French as his native language. However, what the nice French guy told me that I said with my limited vocabulary was, "I need a French man." Which was inappropriate.
• Joined a local volleyball club. Couldn't remember how to say, "mine," in French, so I just made some noise.
• First I thought the middle school girls that I played volleyball were asking if I was in college. The next week, I thought they had asked me if I was in middle school (because I learned that the French call middle school collège.) And the third week, I realized they asked me how old I was. "Quel age?" KELL AHJ
• The French greet with kisses on both cheeks. But when one is not accustomed to the greeting, it can be surprising. And then the side of the cheek which you kiss on first becomes very important. Otherwise, you might just get a real kiss.
• Unfortunate translations: Someone called Sydney a Poupée (POO- PAY) which means baby doll. To say "I buy," it sounds like you say "I shet." J'achète. 
• For a whole month in volleyball, I thought people kept yelling at me to get the ball when it came over the net. I heard, "Shan-noo" just thinking that they couldn't say my name well. Alas, this week I found out they were saying, "Chez nous," (SHAY-NEW) which means something like "our house" as in the ball is going to come over the net to our side. Hopefully they don't think I'm a ball hog, and I will stop running after all those balls.
• Dr. Tim Rice, our ministry partner, told the teacher that he was hot (similar to saying he was in heat) instead of saying that he felt hot during one of our first classes, to which she said, "Oh no, you only say that to your wife! Never in class." Ha! He said, "Je suis chaud" (JU SWEE SHOW) instead of "J'ai chaud." (JAY SHOW). 
• Ryan was trying to get the correct pronunciation down in class. After several tries, he said the exact same thing (to his ears) in a falsetto voice and the teacher told him that he did well. Thereafter, all the guys in the class pronounced the French words with falsetto voices. 
• Apparently, there is a phrase in French that they say when you make a lucky shot or the ball rolls over the net which is translated, "you have pasta in your butt." Not sure why that is thought to be particularly lucky, but some days we don't have pasta at all.