Sunday, November 26, 2017

Good? Or a Letdown?

In my American mindset, I just couldn’t accept that it was too late. A friend of mine from Congo had traveled to Kenya for an interview for a surgical residency program, but in doing so, he was giving up his spot in Kinshasa to take an English exam required for those desiring to study in the US. Rather than losing his registration fee, I had made the suggestion, before he planned the trip, to change his exam site to Kenya. It would be a fee, but not nearly as much as the registration. We both looked on the website and I made calls to Nairobi. We made plans for him to have transportation to Nairobi on the day of the test. As soon as he arrived in Kenya, he got a SIM card and called to make the arrangements, and he had money sent so that he could pay the change fee. This all took several walks to the local shops, and he didn’t have sufficient time to actually make the payment. On his second day in Kenya, as soon as he had a chance after his duties at the hospital, he called to arrange payment. And they said the last day to pay was the prior day. He would no longer be able to take this exam for which he had studied for months. He would forfeit his registration fee. All because he didn’t understand a phrase in English that detailed the deadlines. And I was angry. I felt responsible for not rechecking. I felt responsible for recommending the interview in Kenya in the first place. I was angry.

It was also spiritual emphasis week at Rift Valley Academy. That night, as we worshiped the Lord, the words of the song stung and did not ring true.

Let the King of my heart be the mountain where I run
the fountain I drink from
Oh, He is my song

You are good, good, ohhhhh
You are good, good, ohhhhh

You’re never gonna let, never gonna let me down
You’re never gonna let, never gonna let me down

Ebenezer: "stone of help"
In fact, as the worship leader said to sing it out if we believed it, I stayed silent. I even felt tears welling in my eyes. Because even though I believe that is true for me—I’ve had too many Ebeneezer moments that I can reflect on and see why the Lord allowed circumstances and how He redeemed them—but I did not, in the moment, trust that He would never let others down. I reflected back to our experiences in Congo. Sure, God took great care of our family as we chartered a plane away from the difficult situation and started over in Togo. But our teammates who were left, our Congolese colleagues who carried on, and the patients that I wouldn’t be available for…. What did God do for them? Didn’t our leaving signify an event where God let them down? What about all the Congolese who are suffering and starving because of the political climate created by a few that has caused their money to devalue by over 50%, leaving the common people without means to survive? What about them God? What about my friend who, despite spending a significant amount to come interview in Kenya, and despite making a genuine effort to properly register, and despite his amount of studying, despite all that, he wasn’t able to take the test. Wasn’t He letting my friend down? No, I did not trust Him for my friends.

I was challenged the next day, as I talked to my life coach, to think of how this situation may work out in my friend’s favor. I was still angry with God. I could think of very few reasons why THIS plan was better than the ones we had made. The phrases, “God is in control,” and “He works everything out for good to those that love the Lord,” seem trite and, frankly, unfortunate and often not true. As I prayed to the Lord, I told Him so. I told Him I was angry. My friend said, “I prefer to trust God.” But I was still angry for him. It was almost a dare- SHOW ME, GOD, HOW YOU ARE GOOD.
A field near where I walk and talk weekly with a life coach
As I waited for it, thinking God had His work cut out for Himself this time, I was struck by a couple of sentences written in a devotional by Beth Moore on the book of 2nd Timothy.

As I waited fo

“Not one whit of [a life] experience need be good for a merciful God to use it for good.
He can rob the darkness of the gain of your pain and redeem it powerfully in the light.”

Meaning, it’s perfectly acceptable to say that life sucks sometimes. People get the raw end of a deal. We don’t have to call it good. Jesus didn’t come to heal everyone here on earth. Jesus didn’t come to make everything good now. What did he come for? He came to redeem everyone and everything. Redeem! Not that we have to say it’s good. And the second phrase that is comforting to me, in lieu of, “God is in control,” is
“This didn’t surprise God.”

Although it means quite the same, it doesn’t feel the same to me. A God who is controlling painful circumstances feels different than a God who is never surprised, is prepared to redeem it, is comforting us through it until He redeems it, and who has a plan to make all things new.

In this case, God was up to the task to show me how He was good. In less than 2 weeks, I found out that the mere fact that my friend was studying to take that exam helped him significantly in his interview as the residency program is in English. He was accepted (though not in Kenya, he will be in the equivalent surgical program in Niger!) and this means that having a test result is not necessary for him in his current career path. Rather than losing money as I assumed, he actually saved money from not paying the change fee!

I’m not suggesting that we will always see the reason for difficult experiences this side of heaven, but I am comforted that even if not one bit of an experience feels good, I can long for the time when all things will be redeemed. I was reminded again of this fact while serving on MercyShips in Cameroon last month. I was counseling a woman with terminal cancer who had unfortunately been taken from her village from very far away to come and be screened as a fistula patient because she was leaking stool. As I shared with her that we could not help her recover, and that she would have this sickness the rest of her life (who knows how many days or weeks she has left), I mentioned that Jesus did not come to the earth to heal everything now, but He came so that everything can be healed and redeemed for an eternity. Even if we could heal her with surgery, it would only be temporary, but trusting in Jesus brings peace and healing and restoration that lasts forever.

When I struggle with the goodness of God, the thing I cannot refute (at least haven’t been able to thus far), is that God, as a good Father, allowed His own son, who only showed love to others, to suffer. This Good Father allowed His son to experience hate, betrayal, hunger, to be humiliated and beaten, and to die. I haven’t been able to come up with an experience that would be worse for my own child than what a good Father allowed His son. And He did that for me, the one who is angry over an exam registration fee. Even the thought of the redemption of all the evil in the world was enough for Jesus to trust His Father. The picturing of our reunion and redemption in heaven was “the joy set before him” when He “endured the cross, despising its shame.” And if a good Father can watch His son suffer and use it for good, that same good Father can certainly watch the unnecessary suffering we see around the world and still be called good.